Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
