take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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