So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
from now on my penis is your penis
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
