I got chris browned last night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
