i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
