why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My life is pants optional.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
