i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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