did you get engaged???
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
