mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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