a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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