i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
