Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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