Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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