So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
