I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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