I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
