A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i think i just naturally attract stoners
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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