Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
