girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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