I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm always down for nudity.
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