I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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