We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
