2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you would pick up someone in the library
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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