he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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