Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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