So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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