This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
