i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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