hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
