i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
