I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
