Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
