on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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