I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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