Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
