he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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