I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
