Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
