he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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