Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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