I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
