so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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