I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
