haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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