the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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