We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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