Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize