you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
