just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
