new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
