i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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