I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
