you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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