Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize