that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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