So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
