He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
