Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
His nipple licking is glorious
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