i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize