You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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