No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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