I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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