As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
