I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
