i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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