captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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