3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
