she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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