You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
