I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
porn star boner night. come get it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
