You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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