i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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