I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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