you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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