don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
