he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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