Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
